Launderette cover


Butt Battery

In my garden I have big butts
Full of bug bits and cig buts
Which once glowed like pig nuts
A butt battery.

I've a butt battery
A smattering of capacity
A sump of felicity
A reservoir of feeling well.
Ivor Butt Battery
Sounds like he ought to be
The Welsh inventor
Of the rectal fuel cell.

Big butt
Brown butt
Blue butt
Green butt
Tall butt
Squat butt
Muddy butt
Clean butt

Tubes connecting butts in series
Water drops from butt to butt
I like big butts and I cannot lie
Down until my garden is filled
With big round beautiful
No Ifs
Just butts.

Clipboard Thust

You'll never be bored with a clipboard
With a horde or hoard with an A of clipboards
Wood or cardboard, coated plastic
Clip sprung metal, one's fettle, fantastic
As Melvyn Bragg would say
I wasn’t bored with a clipboard
I had clipboards thrust upon me
Clipboard thrust

Clipboard thrust
A must for every fileophile
And while we're at it, chipboard lust
Does not equate
Though will distract
For want of better board based succour
Pages pucker, crimped and gripped
Though rarely ripped
Unless your paper clipping skills
Have dipped below the norm.

A home for forms
For lists, for fun
For poetry
In nascent phase
Or edited
In later days
The clipboard welcomes every work
It does not irk, ‘tis writing’s perk
And portable
From home to workplace

The hinge works hard
The more you write
you fear it may explode
One night
But what a way to go
Destroyed by the volume
Of your words
I hope it takes me with it
And we will rest in some Stationer’s Afterlife
An Elysian field of files and pens
A Big Rock Sharpie Mountain
With photocopy fountain
where the writer’s block is made of foam
the ideas grow on trees all year
I am planted, home a loam
Where hope grows strong and fear is sere
Grounded in the earth of wit
Trusted clipboard held in pride
Thrust as far as branch arms may
Clipboard thrust
Clip Clip Hooray!

All poems copyright Jez Taylor 2021. Ilustrations copyright Imogen Shaw 2014. Photos copyright Pippa Todd 2014

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